“It Happens”

“It is what it is,” I often say in acknowledgment and regret. Whether or not I might influence the future, I can’t change the past. Friends startle me when they say tautologies aren’t helpful. Why won’t they try to accept the things they cannot change?

Then I recall a time in my teens when I told my father about an event that distressed me. I don’t remember what it was. What I remember is my anger at his response: “It happens.” Feeling dismissed, I fired back, “Of course it happens. Everything that happens, happens. Does that mean we’re never allowed to be upset?”

Gradually I’m absorbing that people need to process whatever feelings they feel, each in their own fashion, at whatever length they must. Someone in grief or shock may need to tell their story again and again, not to convey the facts but to process and feel heard. I’m learning to listen with more patience.

​Of course, if their repetitive woe is about a coffee stain on the carpet, sooner or later I’ll tune out. It is what it is.

Image: Photo by Christian Allard on Unsplash.