Non-Toxic Masculinity

The warrior ethos is back – or did it ever go away? According to the U.S. Army, it includes focus, courage, persistence, and loyalty. According to the recently named War Department, it also includes misogyny, maximum lethality, freedom from restraint, and treatment of protesters as the enemy. What some call manliness, others call toxic masculinity.

Don’t get me wrong. Since high school, I’ve hated the terms feminine and masculine, which implied that having interests more common among boys made me less of a girl. I’m a fan of people being themselves regardless of stereotypes. But what if a young man feels drawn toward a self-image of traditional manhood? Must he give up that part of himself to avoid turning toxic?

Our hypothetical young man may find dictionary opposites of toxic—wholesome, beneficial, healthful, harmless—decent but hardly inspiring. He might be more energized by the classic, positive image of a man as protector and provider. He can protect his country by serving in the military, his friends by seeing them safely home at night, or his children by getting them vaccinated. He can provide by making household repairs, volunteering in his community, or bringing home an income. He has the self-assurance to share these roles with a partner or others. He has the perspective to affirm his chosen roles without demeaning the choices of others: the artist painting in his attic, the explorer in the Amazon jungle.

Not to say that men must be providers and protectors, nor that women should not. But for those who choose it, traditional manhood can be anything but toxic.

Image: National Park Service photograph