Reading Other People’s Minds

Late one summer evening decades ago, at a family camp after the children were asleep, a dozen adult campers went skinny-dipping off the dock. Happier near water than in it, I sat on the dock, leaning against a post, drifting in and out, soaking up the voices and the warm night air. At peace with the world.

The next morning one of the swimmers accosted me. “How dare you sit in judgment on us? Who do you think you are, disapproval written all over your face?” Huh? What’s the self-defense for seeming to show an attitude so different from what you were feeling?

Humans have this precious, inborn capacity to perceive what other people are feeling. As with other skills, it’s on a spectrum. Along with being somewhat face blind, I suspect I’m below average on this. Others grasp friends’ unspoken thoughts with near-perfect empathy or see with confidence when someone is lying.

And still other people go overboard, reading more into a facial expression or a casual gesture than is actually there. Please, before you decide my blank face means I feel grumpy or resentful or bored, go ahead and ask. And please, have the courtesy to believe my answer.

Image: Wikipedia, “Faces.” What are these two thinking?