Sarah Gibbard Cook
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“I Don’t Feel Her Fear”

4/1/2019

8 Comments

 
The situation is perilous. My protagonist recalls how she got into this mess, imagines the worst that can happen, and feels her heart pound and her palms sweat.

Reader feedback: “I don’t feel her fear.”

​It’s come up more than once, from different readers in response to different scenes. I’ve known fear; I’ve shivered over scary novels; I’ve read posts online about conveying character emotions. The problem persists.

​Help wanted! What makes a portrayal of dread ring true to you? Does time speed up or slow down? Does the mind focus on details of danger or the fly buzzing in the corner? How do your favorite authors draw you into their characters’ fear?
8 Comments
Molly
4/1/2019 08:54:01 am

When I'm afraid, time slows down, my head feels muddy and smells get sharp, my spit gets thick and my breath gets faster. I have trouble focusing my thoughts and at the same time they get very very focused - on every sound, every plan, every possible escape.

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Sarah link
4/1/2019 09:36:56 am

Molly, this is great! I love the paradox of thoughts very focused yet hard to focus. And smells getting sharp, spit thick. Thank you! Now to get this across in writing . . .

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Rebecca Cuningham link
4/1/2019 09:10:39 am

Great topic Sarah! I think voicing the character’s thoughts as they talk themselves through the crisis is one way to go. Another is to report the physical aspects of fear: heart, hands, odor, deer in the headlights. Good to think about what makes it come alive. -Rebecca

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Sarah link
4/1/2019 09:42:34 am

Thanks, Rebecca! One thing I hadn't thought much about until recently is the difference in emotions between a viewpoint and non-viewpoint character. Some of the physical aspects are more visible from the outside - facial expression, cringing? - while others - and of course thoughts - are only perceptible to the one who is afraid. Odor could go either way: the smell of the person, or what the person smells?

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bruce froehlke
4/1/2019 05:13:50 pm

As usual, Sarah, I will be a voice in the wilderness.

Somebody doesn't feel a character's fear? Too bad. Ignore the criticism. Keep writing.

Two reasons: (1) that's a highbrow literary judgment that doesn't apply to certain genres, including most mysteries. I don't read Michael Connolly's books to feel anyone's fear. I read them to find out what happens next. A strong, straightforward plot more than makes up for literary failures in a genre that resembles journalism more than Joyce. (2) We all have to live with our limitations. You've read plenty about conveying emotion. If you can't get the hang of it, so be it. Tell us the protagonist is afraid and get on with the story. If it's strong enough, we'll accept the assertion and keep going without any further help from pertinent details.

I know, I know. Male hogwash. I've learned to accept the criticism.

Bruce

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Sarah link
4/2/2019 07:18:46 am

Bruce, many thanks for your voice in the wilderness! Your advice to "Keep writing" is welcome and sound. As with so much of our work, it's important to make it the best we can - I do want readers (and agents) to keep turning pages - and to accept it will never be the best it could possibly be, everything to everybody. I struggle sometimes to strike the balance. [As for male hogwash, not in this instance - I've gotten the I-don't-feel response from readers of both genders.]

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Matt
4/19/2019 10:30:38 am

[Disclaimer: I study brains, not writing.] I don't think the level of danger, or how time is perceived by the protagonist, or where the protagonist's attention is are of any import. The question is whether I *am* the protagonist vs. whether I am just observing the protagonist from the outside.

Compare: "The only movement she could see was a branch swaying in the wind. She wondered where her pursuer was hiding. She hoped her hiccups were truly over, lest they draw the peril closer." vs. "All was still. Where is he now? The only movement was one branch slowly swaying. Were the hiccups over?"

For me, the second draws me in much more. It doesn't analyze the situation or tell me what to think. It gives me pieces that can easily be pieced together *if* I am in the protagonists head. But *not* if I am not in her head. So I have to be in her head, feeling the feelings, to read it at all. If the text informs me about her feelings, then I don't have to engage my own imagination. But if the text is just parts that only make sense if I am figuring out for myself what she is feeling, then my emotional parts are forced to engage. And even better, then I am filling in the missing pieces with whatever feelings ring true to me, rather than trying to understand the author's description of slightly-odd-to-me feelings. It's like how books have an advantage over film by *not* showing you everything, but rather letting you imagine it in the way that is most meaningful to you.

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Sarah link
4/20/2019 08:04:36 am

Matt, that's a wonderful response, and one that could come from a professional writer or editor. In fact, I have recently learned writing instructors have vocabulary for describing just this distinction. "Could see," ""wondered," "hoped" (in your example) are called "filter words" because they put a filter between the reader and the experience, and we are warned to avoid them. One discussion I read recently was that the version with the filter words has us looking at the person rather than at what she's looking at. I like your discussion of how the cleaner version invites and forces the reader to engage the imagination.

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    I'm a historian who writes novels and literary nonfiction. My home base is Madison, Wisconsin. 

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