I’m Right and You’re a Jerk

How is social shaming different from bullying? Though I find most folks friendly and courteous amid all the anxiety and frustration, social shaming is rampant online or in public spaces. It thrives in the moral certainty that we’re right and they’re jerks.

Does shaming change behavior? Perhaps, with large corporations whose business depends on public image, or people who violate the norms of those they care about. Individuals called out by strangers tend to get defensive, hostile, aggressive, and increasingly blatant. Sometimes someone gets shot.

​Remember Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William L. Ury (1981)? It enjoyed a brief popularity before we decided civil disagreement was a sign of weakness. This relic of a different era outlined a four-step approach to negotiation:

• “Separate the people from the problem.”
• “Focus on interests, not positions.”
• “Invent options for mutual gain.”
• “Insist on using objective criteria.”

Who knows, this might leave us less inclined to bully or act out. It might even get us to “yes.”