Mother in the Mirror

7/31/2017

The first time my mother’s face looked back at me from the mirror, I was shocked. Was I becoming her, with all she did that irked me? Taking over my projects to make them better but no longer mine? Giving me lessons when I just wanted a sympathetic ear?

Today on her birthday I’m recalling traits I cherish. She cultivated my love of reading, taking me to the tiny library in the fire station basement and the annual AAUW book fair. Along with English classics from her Canadian childhood, she pointed me toward stories of children in other cultures, times, and places.

She taught me to relish small wonders. We trekked through fields and forests, delighting in spring trillium and summer wild raspberries. One night she had a group of girls sleep in a barn loft so we could wake early to marvel at the dew on the grass. My memory doesn’t include why we couldn’t see the dew just as well on the lawn at home.

If the face in the mirror shines with love of books, curiosity about lives different from mine, and joy in everyday wonders, it's hard to complain.

8 Comments

Lisa

7/31/2017 08:25:59 am

Lovely tribute, Sarah. Thank you for sharing.

Sarah link

7/31/2017 08:29:51 am

Thank you, Lisa.

Jan

7/31/2017 09:54:03 am

I spent most of my life in fear that my children would feel about me the way I felt about my mother, happily that didn't happen.

7/31/2017 02:28:49 pm

Congratulations, Jan. You obviously did something right! Why doesn't that surprise me?

Walter Hassenpflug

7/31/2017 03:47:05 pm

You Sarah, a wonderful trubute to Mom! We parents are role models whether we like it or not, knowingly or unknowingly. If we come from a home where Mom and Dad love each other, and demonstrate that to their children, then children will very likely "absorb" the goodness of simply living free of fear, free of hatred, free of the negative elements of life.

Kids who grow up in families where their parents bicker and battle with each other openly, these kids, short of a miracle, will develop negative traits like Mom and Dad. Yes, there are exceptions where one or two of those kids are very much determined NOT to follow in their parents' footsteps.

Once when my son was a young man of about 20, 21, or 22, he made a startling revelation to me, his Dad. He stated the he was really starting to become extremely worried because he found himself actually realizing that he had unknowingly adopted so many of my habits. And he was "scared." The very first example: "I find myself actually putting on a very warm hat before I go outdoors in winter!" [That came after years of telling him to wear a hat and stay healthy.] And there followed in quick sequence other examples of how "he was me."

Son came to the realization that "Dad had learned a lot over the last 10 years!" His way of saying, "Dad, I have learned a lot over the last 10 years!"

"Sally," I can remember Eleanor from my graduate years at WVU, the Foreign Language Department. She was not openly vocal, but spoke softly with wisdom. Still waters tend to run deep. A quiet intellectual.

Yes, I can believe you have mirrored her best qualities.

And, I also knew Dad through his position in Arts and Science. But Dad is not the topic here.

Nice topic for blogging, Sarah!

7/31/2017 06:04:31 pm

Walter, I laughed out loud at the story of your son and his fear at discovering he had adopted some of your good habits. I recall my son about that same age letting me know some of my habits he didn't want to emulate, like seeing various sides to an issue. (He said he preferred people who took strong, decisive positions.)

It means a lot to me that you remember Eleanor in her good years, especially as she started descending into Alzheimer's younger than I am now. Harold may get a tribute some other time, especially the sociologist's perspective that gave good explanations even for a young child.

Free of fear, free of hatred, free of the negative elements of life. So good to model, learn, and practice.

Rhonda Peterson

8/1/2017 11:31:52 pm

A very nice tribute, Sarah. I suspect your mother would be pleased and proud. My sister and I have often remarked on how each of us takes after our mother, but in different ways.

A warning about the face you see in the mirror, though. My stepmother once told me, "I used to be surprised to see my mother's face looking back at me in the mirror. Now I'm surprised to see my grandmother's face!"

8/2/2017 10:00:03 am

Grandmother's face! Now there's a scary thought. While I don't think I closely resemble either grandmother physically, one of them offers a role model when I want/need to feel stronger. She was very much the matriarch of the whole extended family.

Mother in the Mirror

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